Relationships
A Tense Situation
Everything can change with the turn of a phrase
Sometimes, an epiphany emerges from the subtle flow of language; the choice of a word, the turn of a phase, the tense of a verb. Where uncertainly lingers in the shadows of hope, one word can cut through to unwanted clarity. Some talk endlessly without saying anything. Small talk begets smaller talk, until talking has lost all meaning. Some avoid triggering words for the truth they may reveal, the hurt they may unlock. Some give voice to honest words that innocently change everything.
We are a couple.
My friends and family ask about us. They always do. They want to know how she’s doing. I talk like nothing has changed but her location. Talk dances around the dilemma, how love can survive separation. I recommit my love and express my understanding of her need to venture out and heal. She is doing what needs to be done and I support her decision completely even if it makes me sad. There is a continuity of emotions. Love remains like an undercurrent. There is still something to be salvaged.
We will be a couple
It may be months, it may be years, but there’s still a chance our paths will cross again. Love is reason enough to fight for the future of the relationship. We will make it work despite the distance. Where there’s a will there’s a way. Forward we march until reunited. We can call. We can talk. Just keep moving. Outpace the loneliness.
We were a couple
And then we talk, and her words are different. A soft tension. A transformation. Her words are past tense and distant. They form the shape of something that was, but is no longer. A nice something full of sweet memories, tucked inside her heart. There is no now. There is no future. A simple word, a simple turn of a phrase, and a simple tense of a verb shapes an altered reality. A reality that no longer includes us and may reluctantly include her. My feelings seem unfounded. My hopes feel naïve. I had kept the couple we were preserved in a frame, frozen in time, with the vision of one day reviving it. All it took was one word to break that down and dissolve my personal fiction.
I will be a couple
The choice is made for me. A contract made void. There is no looking back. Eyes only ahead, with a mind for what’s next. To discover what I want. For what I’ve always wanted and for what I still want in the future. Exhale the past to breath in potential. There will be love. But not the one I had.
Sometimes all it takes to reach a new tense is a simple conjugation.
“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
